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I’m Getting Married at Age 18 (and here are my thoughts)

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Yes, I’m 18. No, I’m not still in high school. Yes, my fiance is 6 years older than I. No, it’s not an arranged marriage. Yes, I’m in love. No, my parents weren’t young when they got married. Yes, I live in the US. No, I’m not Fundamental Baptist, Pentecostal, Mormon, or related to the Duggars.*

I’m simply a relatively normal homeschooled teenager who’s getting married because that’s what she’s dreamed of her entire life and God brought a young man along.

*No offense to Fundamental Baptists, Pentecostals, Mormons, or the Duggar family. XD

You see, I’ve always wanted to be married, ever since I can remember. I know I talked more about this in the first A&A Story post; I won’t repeat myself. And instead of waiting until who knows when the proper age is (which is probably still young compared to the societal norm), I’m getting married now, because God brought me Andrew.

I have to admit, though. I’m 18. I’m young. In a lot of ways, I’m inexperienced, inadequate, and a little bit scared. I feel just the same as I did 4 years ago, which is probably about the same as you feel, if you’re a young teenage girl. I don’t feel grown-up, mature, or all that ready. Likely for a while after I get married, I’ll feel like a little girl playing house.

Let me scare you by listing all my inadequacies. I’ve not been to college, I’m horrible at math, my mom’s pregnancies were horrid so who knows how many children I’ll physically be able to have, I’ve only moved states once, I’ve never had a sleepover or visited someone alone, I’ve never traveled by myself, and I’ve never been separated from my parents for more than a week and even then I was with my grandparents. I haven’t been cooking for my family for the past few years, I’m not good at sewing, I don’t come from a large family, I’ve never been a member of a church, and I don’t have a driver’s license.

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So why the heck am I getting married if I’m so inadequate?

Well, to be perfectly honest, there are a few times when I’ve asked myself the same question. For goodness’ sakes, I’m marrying a man – a legit MAN – who’s 24 with a college degree, who’s lived on his own for the past 2 years, and all in all, seems much more of an adult than I am.

I’m getting married because this is God’s plan for me, and this is the right time. How do I know? Because I literally can’t operate outside of God’s will, and if it WASN’T His plan, then I couldn’t get married at all, because He wouldn’t have brought Andrew when He did.

Am I scared? Yes, to be perfectly honest, there are a few moments when I am quite scared indeed! I mean, I’m moving away from everything and everyone I know to go live with a guy I’ve known for just under a year in a completely different state. Everything about marriage is going to be new because I’ve never been married before, and essentially everything about LIFE is going to be new, because everything is changing.

And change has always scared me and likely always will, even if my fear decreases over the years.

But on the other, hand, I’m getting married to the love of my life! My dreams are literally coming true, and AGH I am so, so excited. 😀 There are so many things that really excite me. And I’ll list a few.

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First off, I’ve always longed to be loved. I’ve just always needed that, and while I know that Christ is in whom complete and perfect love and satisfaction lies, I believe I wasn’t created to be alone. Some people can be single just fine; I’m not one of them. I need leadership, I need someone who loves and cherishes me, and I just need that best friend who’s there, physically. I need a husband, pretty much. XD Over the past few years as I’ve realized this I have felt so terribly lonely, and the fact that I will finally have this dream fulfilled overwhelms me and I’m so happy.

Secondly, OH MY GOODNESS, I get to set up housekeeping! The past few years my parents have left me at home for various amounts of time and I’ve realized I actually really like keeping house. There’s something about a normal routine where you have stuff to do and you accomplish it and end the day having gotten stuff done. I don’t know how much sense that makes, but I’m just looking forward to keeping house. There’s also something marvelously old-fashioned about being a housewife that has a sense of charm for me. And I get to DECORATE. And be the one who makes the food decisions. And yeah, being a home manager is something I’m looking forward to.

Third, we get to live our own life. That’s not phrased well; we’re not rebelling against how our parents raised us, but we get to make our own decisions. Andrew and I are adults, we’re going to be our own family, held accountable for our own decisions. We get to decide on our own rules and our own plans, and invest in what we want to do. And (this sounds selfish), anything that I want to do can become more of a reality, because I’ll just be depending on Andrew to help me accomplish it, not my parents, who have many more priorities than my ideas. My parents are awesome, and have prioritized a lot of my ideas, and made so many things happen, but it’s just different when it’s Andrew, and he’s my husband.

Fourth, I get to be needed. And this is what counteracts whatever I said up above that sounded selfish. Being needed is an intricate part of me, and I am so happy that I help Andrew and take care of him. Okay, Andrew’s an adult, and when you get technical, he’s doing way more to take care of me. He’ll be protecting me, providing for me – that’s his role. But I get to come alongside him, and do the little things that would get in his way of accomplishing his goals, and just like he’s going to help me achieve my goals, I get to help him achieve his. Since we got engaged, there were so many times when Andrew would be working on something, but couldn’t get it done because he needed to cook or wash dishes or something, and I was like, “I WISH I COULD JUST DO THAT FOR YOU!” Andrew needs me, and that makes me so happy.

Fifth and finally, we get to start our ministry. We’re not starting some fancy ministry that’s all official – but our very thread of life will be serving Christ, serving each other, and serving others. I want to help people. When people have problems, I have a desire to fix their problems, I just want to make it better. I can’t always, in fact, I seldom can, because many problems are only for Christ to fix. But working together serving others…AGH, that’s something we both want that caught us from the very beginning. To be honest, the first time I thought things would work out was when we had a conversation about that, back in August. And I’m so, so excited.

So yeah. This was quite the rambly post of ups and downs and pretty much everything that’s going through my head at the moment, but thank you all for reading, and let me know your thoughts! And any further questions! I sent out an email request and will be planning to answer a ton of relationship questions later, but I hope this was a good insight to what my brain has been going through over the past while.

 

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20 Comments

  • Reply Lydia

    That’s really amazing. I’m 18 as well and as a girl dreamed to get married at age 17 but it didn’t happen. I still want to be married at a young age, but at the same point, “know” that I won’t get married this young.

    May 11, 2020 at 9:03 am
  • Reply Allison

    This was such a good post, Aria. There are hardly ANY, if any, out there like it so YAY, thanks for making it and being so honest and authentic with your excitement and your nervousness. I know you and Andrew will make a beautiful life together because you both realize you’re not perfect or perfectly prepared, but that makes you hold on to God even tighter. I love the way you take marriage seriously – you both do – and you talk about it and think about it instead of simply running with your feelings. I can’t WAIT to be there when you get married, ahh!

    May 11, 2020 at 9:42 am
    • Reply Aria

      Thanks, dear! Thank you so much. :)

      May 11, 2020 at 12:57 pm
  • Reply Hannah Foster

    I’m super excited for you, Aria! I think at least to some extent, none of us, no matter how much experience we have under our belt, are fully ready for marriage when we step into it. For example, I was living on my own for several years by the time I got married, but that didn’t necessarily make me more fit to get married at 24 then you getting married at 18. I was a lot more independent, but that has also been hard to let go of because I enjoy my independents. 😉 So don’t feel discouraged or that you don’t have all the experience you think you need. I love that God writes a special story for each one of us, some to be married at 18 and some 24 and some 30, some not at all, etc. One of the biggest things to remember, I think, is that marriage is laying down our life daily for our spouse. Sometimes that’s easy and sometimes that’s really hard. 😉

    Hope that’s encouraging! 😉

    May 11, 2020 at 9:48 am
  • Reply christina

    congrats, aria!! it was so fun to hear more of your thoughts. I’ve always wanted to get married and have a family young too, but I doubt I’ll get married until I’m at least in my twenties (but we’ll see what God has for me!)
    christina

    May 11, 2020 at 10:00 am
  • Reply Mikayla

    Thank you so much for sharing this. <3 I am so glad that y'all get to "grow up" together, even though y'all are already adults. Y'all will get to share so many firsts together, and I'm excited for you both.

    May 11, 2020 at 10:29 am
  • Reply Andrew Lewis

    Dear Aria,
    That post was so lovely! I am ecstatic to be able to fulfill the role of a husband for you! Providing, protecting, loving, and leading you are my top priorities until death do us part. My inadequacies mesh so unmistakably with yours to finally create a whole person! Less than three weeks until you get transplanted into my life like a young, tender hydrangea sprig moving from a greenhouse to a larger pot where you can grow, flourish, bloom, and bear much fruit with all the structure, provision, protection, and foundation that I can provide!
    I love you,
    Andrew

    May 11, 2020 at 11:08 am
    • Reply Aria

      I love you and all your descriptive words too. <3 <3 😉

      May 11, 2020 at 11:54 am
  • Reply Lydia

    Despite what people say, despite how you may feel, despite everything . . . I think you’re totally ready to become Andrew’s wife! I’m looking forward to cheering you on as you settle into this new life. Praying for both you and Andrew, and counting down those days!

    May 11, 2020 at 11:22 am
    • Reply Kendra

      I’m just going to second everything Lydia said. I loved this post, Aria, thank you! It was so enjoyable to read, and I love your reasons, thoughts, etc. :)

      May 11, 2020 at 5:43 pm
  • Reply Olivia

    I LOVE this!! This is so exciting!!! I don’t know a lot of people like me who really enjoy keeping house… honestly, just doing little things like the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, arranging flowers, decorating and all of that is so enjoyable for me. I can’t wait until I get to do that, and when I get to make the decisions about where stuff goes and all that. You know what I mean. 😉 All my friends are talking about what they want to do when they’re older, start businesses, be leaders and all that, and while that’s great, my ultimate dream is just to be married and a homemaker. Like you said, it just has that sense of old-fashioned charm. I’m such an old soul when it comes to that stuff, haha.

    Anyways, all that being said, I’m SO happy for you!! You’re beginning a wonderful journey with a man you love, and I couldn’t be more excited for you. <3

    May 11, 2020 at 12:45 pm
  • Reply Mary Elizabeth Morin

    Um, like, BIG HEARTS FOR THIS.
    So, let me start off by saying, he is six years older than you? And I thought liking* a boy who is 4 years older than me was an age gap! Even if my grandparents are 4 years apart. It’s amazing that even with the age difference, you still love each other. <3
    Also, for your second point, I agree! Everyone says I am irresponsible, but I know I could be a housekeeper. Though, no one believes me. Oh well. Looks like a have another challenge ahead of me.
    Love this post!
    ~Mary Elizabeth
    * FYI, I don't still like him. lol

    May 11, 2020 at 3:46 pm
  • Reply Esmeralda

    Wonderful post, Aria. I love hearing about your unique story.
    For a long time I wanted to get married young, but now I am realizing that maybe that isn’t what I want. That said, I am only fifteen and if God brings the right person into my life I know I will not want to wait to get married until I’m “old enough”.
    Your story is wonderful, please keep sharing with us!

    May 11, 2020 at 3:57 pm
  • Reply Kaelyn

    Wow! This is so exciting!! Hope you have the best wedding ever!!
    Thank you for this awesome post!
    *hugs
    -kaelyn 😛

    May 11, 2020 at 5:52 pm
  • Reply Kaelyn

    p.s. I don’t know why the picture is of my brother. sry about that. :)

    May 11, 2020 at 5:53 pm
  • Reply Emma

    I’m so excited for you, Aria! I have no doubt you will be an awesome wife and homemaker! I’m sure you will adjust easily to this new life. :)

    May 11, 2020 at 6:05 pm
  • Reply Callie

    Aria,
    I love your honesty concerning your struggles…in all honesty I really hope to one day become a wife, mother, and homemaker but am somewhat terrified because I feel very inadequate as well!! I see my immaturity, my struggles, my faults and failings, etc, and cringe😣 But always going back to clinging to the Lord and what He says in Scripture is a refuge ❤️ And He is not done with any of us…thank goodness 😅 People continue growing and maturing all throughout life— and “He who began a good work in you will carry it in to completion, unto the Day of Christ Jesus”🌺
    And it’s so funny—I really enjoy working at home too! Right now I’m trying to get a college education at home and try to publish some projects the Lord has provided some opportunities for 😊 Homemaking is definitely a blessing and almost a lost art/privilege that so many women are missing out on these days!
    You’re doing great! Keep trusting and seeking the Lord in all you do— He’ll lead and be there every moment ❤️ Can’t wait for y’all’s wedding!! 😁

    May 11, 2020 at 8:21 pm
  • Reply Victoria Goodbrand

    I really love what you have to say here!! I agree with you — there’s just something so special about having your own house and own life apart from your parents and being independent. So excited for you!

    May 12, 2020 at 12:55 pm
  • Reply Natalie

    I’m so excited for you, Aria! Thanks for being so honest. Yes, I understand all of your reasons for being so excited. (And yes, housekeeping is so fun!)

    Also, I’ve nominated you for the Real Neat Blog Award.

    May 12, 2020 at 7:26 pm
  • Reply Gaby

    Aria, your story is very inspiring and I really admire how Christ-centered and mature your reasons are. Many, many prayers as you two start your new life together!

    May 13, 2020 at 7:07 pm
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