Yes, I’m 18. No, I’m not still in high school. Yes, my fiance is 6 years older than I. No, it’s not an arranged marriage. Yes, I’m in love. No, my parents weren’t young when they got married. Yes, I live in the US. No, I’m not Fundamental Baptist, Pentecostal, Mormon, or related to the Duggars.*
I’m simply a relatively normal homeschooled teenager who’s getting married because that’s what she’s dreamed of her entire life and God brought a young man along.
*No offense to Fundamental Baptists, Pentecostals, Mormons, or the Duggar family. XD
You see, I’ve always wanted to be married, ever since I can remember. I know I talked more about this in the first A&A Story post; I won’t repeat myself. And instead of waiting until who knows when the proper age is (which is probably still young compared to the societal norm), I’m getting married now, because God brought me Andrew.
I have to admit, though. I’m 18. I’m young. In a lot of ways, I’m inexperienced, inadequate, and a little bit scared. I feel just the same as I did 4 years ago, which is probably about the same as you feel, if you’re a young teenage girl. I don’t feel grown-up, mature, or all that ready. Likely for a while after I get married, I’ll feel like a little girl playing house.
Let me scare you by listing all my inadequacies. I’ve not been to college, I’m horrible at math, my mom’s pregnancies were horrid so who knows how many children I’ll physically be able to have, I’ve only moved states once, I’ve never had a sleepover or visited someone alone, I’ve never traveled by myself, and I’ve never been separated from my parents for more than a week and even then I was with my grandparents. I haven’t been cooking for my family for the past few years, I’m not good at sewing, I don’t come from a large family, I’ve never been a member of a church, and I don’t have a driver’s license.
So why the heck am I getting married if I’m so inadequate?
Well, to be perfectly honest, there are a few times when I’ve asked myself the same question. For goodness’ sakes, I’m marrying a man – a legit MAN – who’s 24 with a college degree, who’s lived on his own for the past 2 years, and all in all, seems much more of an adult than I am.
I’m getting married because this is God’s plan for me, and this is the right time. How do I know? Because I literally can’t operate outside of God’s will, and if it WASN’T His plan, then I couldn’t get married at all, because He wouldn’t have brought Andrew when He did.
Am I scared? Yes, to be perfectly honest, there are a few moments when I am quite scared indeed! I mean, I’m moving away from everything and everyone I know to go live with a guy I’ve known for just under a year in a completely different state. Everything about marriage is going to be new because I’ve never been married before, and essentially everything about LIFE is going to be new, because everything is changing.
And change has always scared me and likely always will, even if my fear decreases over the years.
But on the other, hand, I’m getting married to the love of my life! My dreams are literally coming true, and AGH I am so, so excited. 😀 There are so many things that really excite me. And I’ll list a few.
First off, I’ve always longed to be loved. I’ve just always needed that, and while I know that Christ is in whom complete and perfect love and satisfaction lies, I believe I wasn’t created to be alone. Some people can be single just fine; I’m not one of them. I need leadership, I need someone who loves and cherishes me, and I just need that best friend who’s there, physically. I need a husband, pretty much. XD Over the past few years as I’ve realized this I have felt so terribly lonely, and the fact that I will finally have this dream fulfilled overwhelms me and I’m so happy.
Secondly, OH MY GOODNESS, I get to set up housekeeping! The past few years my parents have left me at home for various amounts of time and I’ve realized I actually really like keeping house. There’s something about a normal routine where you have stuff to do and you accomplish it and end the day having gotten stuff done. I don’t know how much sense that makes, but I’m just looking forward to keeping house. There’s also something marvelously old-fashioned about being a housewife that has a sense of charm for me. And I get to DECORATE. And be the one who makes the food decisions. And yeah, being a home manager is something I’m looking forward to.
Third, we get to live our own life. That’s not phrased well; we’re not rebelling against how our parents raised us, but we get to make our own decisions. Andrew and I are adults, we’re going to be our own family, held accountable for our own decisions. We get to decide on our own rules and our own plans, and invest in what we want to do. And (this sounds selfish), anything that I want to do can become more of a reality, because I’ll just be depending on Andrew to help me accomplish it, not my parents, who have many more priorities than my ideas. My parents are awesome, and have prioritized a lot of my ideas, and made so many things happen, but it’s just different when it’s Andrew, and he’s my husband.
Fourth, I get to be needed. And this is what counteracts whatever I said up above that sounded selfish. Being needed is an intricate part of me, and I am so happy that I help Andrew and take care of him. Okay, Andrew’s an adult, and when you get technical, he’s doing way more to take care of me. He’ll be protecting me, providing for me – that’s his role. But I get to come alongside him, and do the little things that would get in his way of accomplishing his goals, and just like he’s going to help me achieve my goals, I get to help him achieve his. Since we got engaged, there were so many times when Andrew would be working on something, but couldn’t get it done because he needed to cook or wash dishes or something, and I was like, “I WISH I COULD JUST DO THAT FOR YOU!” Andrew needs me, and that makes me so happy.
Fifth and finally, we get to start our ministry. We’re not starting some fancy ministry that’s all official – but our very thread of life will be serving Christ, serving each other, and serving others. I want to help people. When people have problems, I have a desire to fix their problems, I just want to make it better. I can’t always, in fact, I seldom can, because many problems are only for Christ to fix. But working together serving others…AGH, that’s something we both want that caught us from the very beginning. To be honest, the first time I thought things would work out was when we had a conversation about that, back in August. And I’m so, so excited.
So yeah. This was quite the rambly post of ups and downs and pretty much everything that’s going through my head at the moment, but thank you all for reading, and let me know your thoughts! And any further questions! I sent out an email request and will be planning to answer a ton of relationship questions later, but I hope this was a good insight to what my brain has been going through over the past while.