Before we begin, please kindly note that I am both a hermit (i.e. I rarely leave home) and a graduate. I am not, like the title may imply, a graduate of some unknown school with the name of Hermit.
Secondly, I am only writing this post because it is a popular request that I have not yet granted. I’m not sure why it’s a popular request, because as you shall soon see, my life is really quite boring. However, I shall proceed. Oh, and one more thing: if you want to get the full humor of this post, you have to read it diligently. My apologies if you already do so, but personally, I’m a skimmer, so…
My day begins with light coming through my bedroom window. I never close my blinds, because 1) we live in the country, 2) it’s too much work, and 3) light is a good way for me to wake up anyway. Unlike the picture above, I do not wear an eye mask. Otherwise I probably would never wake up. I used to have an alarm, but I keep forgetting to set it and I find I wake up naturally at around the same time I got up with the alarm anyway.
After I get up, I generally try to make myself presentable for the day. Note the word try. It’s rather hard. I generally only touch up my eyebrows, cover my dark circles, brush my hair and pull up the top. If I actually put makeup on and fix my hair, I normally take a selfie to document that hey, I actually looked presentable once!
Anyway, after trying in vain to fix my face and hair (which is probably standing on end at this point), I generally give up and pull on my overalls, since on Thursdays I milk cows…er, one cow. (I also milk cows on Tuesdays and Saturdays.) I think pants are really uncomfortable, but I actually like overalls.
After that, I try to read a bit in my devotional, recite the verse in Romans that I memorized the night before, and I read a slip out of Allison’s 365 day jar. Today it said “How many paws does a bear have?” (It’s a joke. Answer at the bottom of the post.)
Then I stagger upstairs (because I wear my contacts at night so my eyes are still blurry) to clean the kitchen, which normally looks like this:
Actual footage, folks.
After cleaning up the kitchen, I normally make myself some breakfast, which may consist of any of the following: bagels and tea, tea and yogurt and fruit, cold cereal and tea. On very rare circumstances I might make biscuits and sausage gravy, but that takes a lot of work which means I have to wake up earlier.
I then take my breakfast downstairs to start answering or composing emails. About halfway through eating I find that it’s already 8:55, and I should probably be heading down the hill to get ready for milking. I therefore bolt my food, race up the stairs, pull on my boots, and drive down the hill.
Once I’m at the barn, Granddaddy is already there getting the cow feed together, so I enter the barn kitchen, put together the milking supplies, fill a bucket with water, and go back out into the barn to wait while talking about the weather.
Once we’ve all arrived at the cow barn, we start the milking process. This I have chosen not to describe because it would require another thousand words or so, and by the time you got halfway through that, you’d discover that you hadn’t even gotten a quarter through this post and you’d give up.
After milking, I head back to the regular barn to strain the milk and wash the supplies, which Muttie (my grandmother) normally does.
Then I head home. I change out of my overalls, unload the dishwasher, and hole up in my room. At this point, it’s probably 10:15 or so, and half the morning is over. I sit at my computer and fast-forward all the Piano Guys and BYU Point songs on Allison’s playlist because I’ve heard them hundred times, and try to get some work done. Sometimes this means I answer and compose emails, other times it could include writing my book, blog posts, or content for my website; creating art, editing photos, or reading.
I leave my room and head upstairs exactly at 12:00 because: lunch. Lunch could be a variety of different things. Sometimes my mother makes food, which can be leftovers, eggs, frozen pizza, or ramen noodles. Other times she doesn’t make food, which leaves me to wander the kitchen and moan because my stomach hurts.
Once I’ve finally satisfied my hunger pains, I can do a few different things. If it’s not yet 1:00, I wander around my room and take pictures of my mirror or read. If it is 1:00, I enter the office.
From 1:00 to 4:00 I sit in a chair in front of a computer in my dad’s office, doing random things like putting up blog posts, sending people invites on LinkedIn, formatting content on his website pages, mailing jelly beans to clients, and other such things. It’s slightly boring but not bad.
After 4:00 arrives, I burst out of the office and yell “FREEDOM!” Then I drive down the hill and get the mail, which can consist of a box of books, a letter from Allison, a package because I bought myself something again, a notice from the bank saying my account is overdrawn, or a magazine and a few flyers, which is what it is usually. On really unfortunate days, there isn’t any mail.
I then drive home, sticking my head out the side and letting the wind rip my hair as the dust flies into my eyes, which causes me to have to drive the rest of the way with my eyes closed.* Once I arrive home, I rush down the stairs and turn on my computer. I then load my emails, check my blog and reply to comments, and do various Online Things for the next two hours. This can entail: email, discussing my friend’s green hair, blogging, checking my bank account balance, watching Google Analytics to see if people are going to my website, reading blog posts, finding new ways to spend my diminishing money, and fast-forwarding more songs on Allison’s playlist.
*NO I DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS AND YOU SHOULD NOT EITHER.
At 6:00 I’m summoned upstairs by our intercom system for dinner. My family sits around and eats food and laughs over my brother’s strange voices (note: Tim Hawkins impersonations), argues over when we ought to visit Allison’s family again, and discusses what is making people scream so much in the live Michael Buble songs.
After dinner is over, I generally hang out with my family for the next thirty minutes until they get boring or my dad goes back to the office, which is when I also go back downstairs. I continue doing various things online until I get bored. Then I read, watch a movie, or stay online and find ways to waste my time.
Around an hour later, I go upstairs and find a snack, because now I’m hungry again. I wander the pantry, open the fridge, and dig through the freezer. Sometimes I find something to eat; other times I’m not as fortunate. Either way, I go back downstairs. At 9:30 I close my computer and begin getting ready for bed, which includes reciting all memorized verses of Romans in the shower, sitting back at my computer if I remember something I need to tell Allison or get a Genius Idea (note: doesn’t happen often). Then I settle down in bed, read my Bible, and then shut off the lights.
After which, I toss and turn because I’m excited about a styled shoot I’m doing. It takes roughly an hour of tossing and turning (because I can hear 11:00 beep on my watch) before I can finally settle down and get to sleep.
And thus, my day is over. Unless I can’t settle down and get another Genius Idea, therefore I get up and write it down somewhere.
Therefore, my friends, that is a day in the life of a hermit graduate. *bows*
Answer to the joke: One Pa and one Ma. XD XD